Sabbath, Keef, and the absurd perfection of the Guy behind the Tree.
I hit Manhattan in afternoon traffic today, its been a while since Ive massaged my love affair with my audi’s second gear and its clutch pushing my left foot closer to freedom. At a top speed of thirteen miles per hour at six thousand rpm, electric windows low on the first warm spring day, I sat stopped mid span on the bridge of george washington swaying in the undulating suspension stress, blasting the journey of the weedian to nazareth as loud and as in time as my auto allows. Met with the kind of inquisitive looks of boredom that only sitting stopped in traffic can produce, this record set the perfect tone for the evening ahead.
After the sun set, I briskly limped down to what will likely be my high moment of April 2010 cranking that A side again and, attempting to skip home two hours later, it was clear that no celebration would be complete without letting the hifi work it out for itself.
On the heels of deep discussion of origins, fate would have it that Paranoid lurked directly below Jerusalem. Out of all the art direction meetings people have had, Im betting nobody has probably ever had a better one than Black Sabbath.
so he just comes out of the woods?
yeah, but there’s like, THREE of him.
three?
Yeah, he’s coming out of the woods to face it full on, three times, but the third time he gets there he’s just like, melt down freak out face.
but why does he have a sword?
It goes with the shield and pink tights.
You want to put a sash AND a cotton cape on a guy with pink tights?
No, on all three of him. Well nine, really.
Hey guys, sorry Im late, I brought my helmet, why the bloody hell you need this?
yes!
Im not getting this at all, whats the helmet for?
Look, he’s got that nappy dready thing happening, right, with the beard too, the helmet is to protect his doo. Plus, when he has that freak out face the helmet is gonna make it look real cool.
No its not, it has my Dad’s scooter club logo on the front of it, dirty bunch of geezers.
Fuck you bill.
Stop you two. Its gonna be blurred cause there’s three of him and its at night.
I bet that Chip Monck probably knows someone to do the illustration.
NO! Check it, this is the best part: we’ll just cut it out of some craft paper, throw it up on the stand and shoot it. It’ll be awesome.
you want to cut the lettering out of construction paper?
Well, no, IM not going to do it, but I have a nephew that can do it for us.
what kind of art director cuts a band name out of heavy cotton paper?
Wait, Im still confused about the three guys on the cover.
Its all the same guy.
and he has three swords?
well, just one, but its like three.
He showed up to battle who again?
Six or seven of himself, we’ll put those on the back cover.
And thats why he has the freakout face on the front cover?
Yeah, cause he’s like, if Im gonna battle myself, Im gonna outsmart myself and show up with THREE of me to fight myself. But myself pwns him and shows up to battle with like six myselfs and when he sees that myself outshined him, he melts down.
heavy.
yeah.
a battle against duality man, fucking paranoid.
mate, you know that warner just completely censored the lyrics to walpurgis and made us write the whole thing over and re record it, even rename the motherfucker; you think they are gonna let you put three versions of one guy fighting a battle in pink tights with eight versions of himself on the cover?
Its six versions, but they are on the back cover and the battle is really implied anyway. But Fuck warner.
yeah, fuck warner.
yeah, and los angeles too.
yeah, fuck los angeles.
maybe he should be battling los angeles.
Tony, does your cousin still have his world wrestling championship belt? Do you think he might let us borrow it for the inside cover photo? That would be smarty smart, and we can put Oz on the other panel alone, to you know, balance it.
Why the hell cant I just stand in the middle of the stage like every other singer?
Because I have less fingers than you. So Im standing in the middle.
Fair enough, but why do I have to be off all alone on the cover too?
Its not on the cover, the guy in the pink tights with the shield is on the cover.
When did he get a shield?
When you were getting your dad’s scooter helmet.
Oz, you are on that panel alone to balance the wrestling championship belt fingers is wearing.
why cant I wear the belt.
Because you got the shirt with the stars on it.
Fuck you man.
Fuck YOU ! !! ! , all I got was a magic potion satchel to hang off of my belt, I wore this shirt at the Manchester gig last week.
Well fuck all you guys, if I have to be on a whole panel by myself, Im taking this fucking cross.
Ok fine, take the cross, but now we are going to have to shoot it on a grassy knoll.
Great, so now I have to sit, in grass, all because I took the starry shirt?
Fuck off Bill, you only got the shirt because your dad had the helmet.
I don’t know man, it looks like the myself on the back cover has the freakout face too.
Thats exhaustion.
Exhaustion?
Yeah, they are all attacking. It’s tiring.
The guy behind the tree doesn’t stop them?
No, look, the guy behind the tree, he’s the whole cover, and you cant even like, see him at all. Thats the first thing everyone is gonna ask when they see the cover, “what about the guy behind the tree”, but thats the beauty of it, the guy behind the tree that you cant see, he IS the guy.
And there’s only one of him?
yeah.
and its like, his imagination?
no. his paranoia.
whoah.
heavy.
paranoid.
yeah. people will write about this someday, we are changing the world, you’ll see.